Life and Goals

Actually, it's difficult for me to live without goals in life.Once i am goaless in life, i find myself in hell.without confidence and insecure. My mind is rarely in my control. I see myself as a dry fallen leaf which is on the mercy of wind of thoughts. It is goal which enable me to develop some control in me. I don't like company of people and i often feel urge to run away from parties.I like helping people. My heart cry when I see people suffering. But i observe people who are not sensitive enough and don't care about others are more happy.I don't like people in general.I like goals.My worst fear is state of goallessness
After UPSC exam is over what could be my next goal?Serving as IAS officer (if i become) can be a goal in itself.Will it be enough to keep my soul and mind at a place.?
I want to be a novelist because of this fear.Goal to complete a novel which may become bestseller might be as powerful as clearing civil services.I feel like a dead person without goal.No confidence,no security.But once i have goal and obsession to achieve it i get back to life like a virus after entering a body.

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